So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
