you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
