some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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