Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i came on her dog
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
