I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
