I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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