I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize