the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
