You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
