Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
