I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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