And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
