tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
