How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
