I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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