You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
