Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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