OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize