I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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