dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
