I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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