It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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