just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
