i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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