i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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