My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
