Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
