Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
