I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
