so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
