I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
