Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
