It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
