I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
