that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
