I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
