i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you still have your period?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
