Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
being pregnant is like rehab
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
