I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
