There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
