I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
