I think I died a long time ago.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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