Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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