I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dear god my vagina.
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