The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
