you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
