There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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