i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
