Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
