We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
