Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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