OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
