I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
