I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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