At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
