Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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