So drunk its hurt
thus making me awesome and them whores
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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