dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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