New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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