I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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