i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
