It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
