yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
