left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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