If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
