Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
