ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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