You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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