Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
