gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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