Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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