So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
