i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
