Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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