I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
