Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
