Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
