Jerry, you need to find god
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
