Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
