i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
