In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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