Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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