My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
