why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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