I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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