dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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