Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
