evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
