Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
