good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
