the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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