I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
