the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
