i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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