mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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