a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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