The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
