And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
two words: eviction party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
where are my eyebrows?
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