Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
