plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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