I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
