First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
