All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
