dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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