there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
